Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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