I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
