There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
