I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
