My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
