dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
