i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
