I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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