come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
