I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
