She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
