why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
