I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
