not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Randomize
