dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
