Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
