I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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