1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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