Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
