Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
