Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
