Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's never too late to be topless.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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