Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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