Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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