Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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