Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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