Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
