Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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