where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
