I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
