Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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