I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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