I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
