she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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