What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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