yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
