i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
