Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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