First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
