Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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