Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
