The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
