I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
