***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you didnt know i had herpes?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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