I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
