Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
