what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
