I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
