I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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