My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
