If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
